Just about everyone who reads my blog knows that I have times in my life when I don't want to leave my house, sometimes for very long stretches. Such is the life of someone with bipolar. But give me a snow day or two when I can't leave the house, and I find myself going stir crazy. Then there was the sheer boredom I felt on Sunday night when my choir concert was cancelled. I'm almost always home alone for the rest of the day after church on Sunday, but just because I was "supposed to be" at the concert, I was insanely bored all afternoon and evening.
It made me start thinking about the fact that what it really boils down to is that I tend to want what I cannot have. If I don't have sweets in the house, I crave them. But if I have them around, I don't eat them (necessarily...haha). If I don't have money, I go shopping and want everything I see. But if I do have money, I can go shopping and not find anything I want.
I suppose it boils down to the old saying "the grass is always greener" or the economic rule of supply and demand, but I still find it very interesting, and kind of annoying, when it becomes so evident...like during an "arctic blast" in Portland.
I realized last night that I could have been using this time to work on my Bible studies, or I could have been cleaning my apartment. But instead I played on the computer and watched movies and/or endless tv reports of icy streets and snowy forecasts, all the while focusing on the fact that I couldn't leave my area (without being in danger of wrecking my car, etc.).
So what can I learn from this? I need to learn how to be thankful in every situation and to be grateful for and focus on what I HAVE and not what I don't have. To that point, here are just a few things I'm grateful for (not nessecarily in any order of importance, except the first one):
The God of all Creation loves me
A warm, wonderful and loving little dog to snuggle with
Amazing friends (including my sisters), old and new
A roof over my head
Food in my fridge and cupboard
My car
A great church
Snow
Movies
Freedom
An adjustable bed
Amazingly, as I started typing that list, I realized I could keep going and going. I have a LOT to be thankful for, big things and small things.
Do you ever find yourself wanting what you cannot have? How do you change your focus?
1 comment:
wow. i could've written that post. you described exactly how i feel a lot of the time. except the lonely part - being by myself is something i love.
it's human nature to want to we don't have... Sheryl Crow has a line in "Soak Up the Sun":
"It's not having what you want - it's wanting what you've got"
I need to learn to want what i've got. :)
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