Waiting

This is another one I posted recently on Facebook...

So…waiting is NOT my strong suit. I even have anxiety about choosing a check-out line in the store. Then once my decision is made, I stand there being irritated that every other line is moving so much faster than mine. My distaste for waiting is only perpetuated by the “instant gratification” world we live in; fast-food, microwaves, phones that we take everywhere with us (that now even have email on them so we don’t have to WAIT until we are at a computer), the “information highway” where we can get answers to most of our questions immediately, etc, etc. We really don’t have to WAIT for much of anything anymore.

However, WAITING is exactly what God is speaking to me about today. I am currently going through a devotional called, “God Calling”. (It’s a great book written back in the 50’s I think, by two individuals who never gave their names…you should check it out…) Part of today’s entry really struck a chord for me; “When you are quiet before Me I lay My Hand upon each head, and Divine Spirit flows through that healing, powerful Touch into your very beings. WAIT in silence before Me to feel that.”

WAITING and being quiet before God does not come easily to me. Let’s be honest here…I struggle a lot of the time even GETTING to prayer, much less just sitting and being quiet before God. Our pastor said yesterday that we need to love God for WHO He is and not just what he does for us. He also said that if we truly LOVE Christ, we will want to spend time with Him. Ouch. When I only come before God with my laundry list of prayer requests…even though they are requests for the good of others and not just what I want or need…and I never sit quietly in expectation of hearing back from Him, aren’t I just using Him? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be very happy if the people in my life who CLAIM they love me only called when they needed something and never gave me a chance to say anything back to them.

So, I am being challenged to WAIT; to be quiet before God and to listen for Him to speak to me. Oh, He speaks to me a lot…but He has to work pretty hard to get through to me…I’m not usually asking Him, “So what’s on Your mind today God? What do You have to say to me, or teach me at this very moment?” As a part of my challenge, I also thought I’d look for the word “wait” in my Bible as it relates to just being quiet and listening for God to speak. I found bunches of them (mostly also in the Old Testament which amuses me since He’s prodding me to learn and read the OT this year…). I’ll send you a list if you’d like, but my favorite is Psalm 5:3; “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.”

Wait, be quiet and EXPECT to hear from Him. He’s faithful. I have no doubt that He is going to speak to me… Will you wait too?

What is Standing in My Way?

September 22, 2008

Today has been a day of deep reflection for me. But it didn't really start today. It all started last week when an old friend of mine made an observation about me. She said, "I think that you really want to be a godly woman, but you fight it.” ‘What?! I want to be a godly woman, but I’m not fighting it!’ So, I have been wrestling with that statement for a week now. Then came that moment in the worship service yesterday at church when God began speaking to my spirit and I began arguing with Him…suddenly it occurred to me, ‘oh, maybe this is what she was talking about…’ But doesn’t everyone struggle with stuff like that?

So, I asked her about it again tonight and she said, “No, I mean that I believe God is calling you to be a dynamic woman of God. Someone chosen by Him to really make a difference for Him in the lives of others…and you fight that.”

Wow. So, I began writing this and asking myself the question, “what is standing in my way?” Once I got really honest with myself, the answer to that question began to surface. There is something in my life about which almost EVERY single person in my life has been talking to me about needing to make a change. I’ve been very resistant and have made excuses incessantly; including saying I believed it was what God wanted me to do. But when my dear, wise, amazing Christian friend JonElla suddenly brought it up out of nowhere during a rare phone call tonight, I finally started to pay attention and actually opening my heart to God about it. JonElla NEVER offers advice, but tonight she was really talking seriously to me about this situation in my life.

Yesterday at one point during the sermon, my Pastor asked us to put our hands out, palms open and facing upward. He said, “when we hold the things of our lives in our hands like this, it gives God the freedom to put things in our life and take things out as He pleases.” And it pleases God to do always do what’s best for us so that He will ultimately get the glory for what He is able to accomplish in our lives. Today I realized that in regard to this situation in my life, I’ve been holding onto much like I held a kitten when I was a small child. I “loved” the poor baby kitten so much that I literally squeezed the life out of it. I took the limp, lifeless body of the kitten to my sister and asked her to “make it meow”. I don’t want to do that with the things in my life. It is crucial that I learn to hold my hands up to God, palms open and upward allowing Him full access to whatever He places in there…to leave it, take it away or add to it. The only thing standing in my way, is my insecurity and distrust.

In preparing for the new Bible study I’ve joined, I read Isaiah 7 today. Verse 9b really struck me, “If you do not stand for your faith, you will not stand at all.” So, I’m choosing to stand for my faith. I’m making the choice to try let go of this detrimental thing in my life. God may or may not decide to take it out of my hand, but if He decides to remove it, He won’t have to pry it from my fingers anymore. I think I’m ready.

I’m sure this is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to what it might really mean to stop “fighting” being a godly woman. But I’m preparing myself to allow Him to work in a mighty way. I’m scared, but also excited to see what He’s going to do when my life is really in His hands. I have a feeling things may get worse before they get better. But no matter what, I know in my heart of hearts that if I stand in my faith, I will stand and that He will be standing right there with me.

Grace

I actually posted this on Facebook a few weeks ago, but some of my readers aren't on Facebook, so I'm posting it here now for them...

God has been teaching me so much lately, and it really seems to be centered on Grace right now. (You know how He likes to get a theme going...haha)

A couple of weeks ago at church the speaker asked a question I'd never really thought about before. He said, "When people think of you as being a Christian, what does that look like to them? Do they automatically think of all the things you stand against...a list of rules and judgments? What does it really mean to be a Christian? Is it just that we are conservative and judgmental of people whose lives don't match up with ours?"

He went on to talk about how in reality, being a Christian is about living a life of love, acceptance and grace, which is just an outpouring and extension of the love, acceptance and grace Christ has given to us.

That's what I want people to think of when they think of me as being a Christian...that the expression of my Christianity is grace, not judgment. I'm still digesting this, and want to do more writing about it. But it's sort of a paradigm shift for me...which has been happening a lot since I read The Shack. Haha. I guess in so many ways, the conservative judgmental thing has been a large part of my identity as a Christian, and I just really want that to change. NOT that I am changing my moral values at all...

Romans 6:1-4 "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

...but I want people to know and experience of love of Christ. And it is only because of my (our) love of Jesus that I try to live by the standards God has set for us as believers. It's not just a bunch of rules that He put in place to ruin all our fun... The standards He set for us are because He loves us and knows what's best for us. He's protecting us from the consequences of sin.

However we do have a certain responsibility to encourage each other to grow in our faith and love of the Father...

Hebrews 10:23, 24 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

...So, I think it is a fine line to tow between holding up what we know to be Truth regarding sin and how God wants us to live and exemplify the GRACE of Christ. Jesus was the Perfect example...

John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

I'm going to stop here because I feel the urge to begin rambling and I don't want to lose the point of this...Grace came through Christ (John 1:17), and that's what I want people to see in my life and experience from my relationship with them