September 22, 2008
Today has been a day of deep reflection for me. But it didn't really start today. It all started last week when an old friend of mine made an observation about me. She said, "I think that you really want to be a godly woman, but you fight it.” ‘What?! I want to be a godly woman, but I’m not fighting it!’ So, I have been wrestling with that statement for a week now. Then came that moment in the worship service yesterday at church when God began speaking to my spirit and I began arguing with Him…suddenly it occurred to me, ‘oh, maybe this is what she was talking about…’ But doesn’t everyone struggle with stuff like that?
So, I asked her about it again tonight and she said, “No, I mean that I believe God is calling you to be a dynamic woman of God. Someone chosen by Him to really make a difference for Him in the lives of others…and you fight that.”
Wow. So, I began writing this and asking myself the question, “what is standing in my way?” Once I got really honest with myself, the answer to that question began to surface. There is something in my life about which almost EVERY single person in my life has been talking to me about needing to make a change. I’ve been very resistant and have made excuses incessantly; including saying I believed it was what God wanted me to do. But when my dear, wise, amazing Christian friend JonElla suddenly brought it up out of nowhere during a rare phone call tonight, I finally started to pay attention and actually opening my heart to God about it. JonElla NEVER offers advice, but tonight she was really talking seriously to me about this situation in my life.
Yesterday at one point during the sermon, my Pastor asked us to put our hands out, palms open and facing upward. He said, “when we hold the things of our lives in our hands like this, it gives God the freedom to put things in our life and take things out as He pleases.” And it pleases God to do always do what’s best for us so that He will ultimately get the glory for what He is able to accomplish in our lives. Today I realized that in regard to this situation in my life, I’ve been holding onto much like I held a kitten when I was a small child. I “loved” the poor baby kitten so much that I literally squeezed the life out of it. I took the limp, lifeless body of the kitten to my sister and asked her to “make it meow”. I don’t want to do that with the things in my life. It is crucial that I learn to hold my hands up to God, palms open and upward allowing Him full access to whatever He places in there…to leave it, take it away or add to it. The only thing standing in my way, is my insecurity and distrust.
In preparing for the new Bible study I’ve joined, I read Isaiah 7 today. Verse 9b really struck me, “If you do not stand for your faith, you will not stand at all.” So, I’m choosing to stand for my faith. I’m making the choice to try let go of this detrimental thing in my life. God may or may not decide to take it out of my hand, but if He decides to remove it, He won’t have to pry it from my fingers anymore. I think I’m ready.
I’m sure this is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to what it might really mean to stop “fighting” being a godly woman. But I’m preparing myself to allow Him to work in a mighty way. I’m scared, but also excited to see what He’s going to do when my life is really in His hands. I have a feeling things may get worse before they get better. But no matter what, I know in my heart of hearts that if I stand in my faith, I will stand and that He will be standing right there with me.
Today has been a day of deep reflection for me. But it didn't really start today. It all started last week when an old friend of mine made an observation about me. She said, "I think that you really want to be a godly woman, but you fight it.” ‘What?! I want to be a godly woman, but I’m not fighting it!’ So, I have been wrestling with that statement for a week now. Then came that moment in the worship service yesterday at church when God began speaking to my spirit and I began arguing with Him…suddenly it occurred to me, ‘oh, maybe this is what she was talking about…’ But doesn’t everyone struggle with stuff like that?
So, I asked her about it again tonight and she said, “No, I mean that I believe God is calling you to be a dynamic woman of God. Someone chosen by Him to really make a difference for Him in the lives of others…and you fight that.”
Wow. So, I began writing this and asking myself the question, “what is standing in my way?” Once I got really honest with myself, the answer to that question began to surface. There is something in my life about which almost EVERY single person in my life has been talking to me about needing to make a change. I’ve been very resistant and have made excuses incessantly; including saying I believed it was what God wanted me to do. But when my dear, wise, amazing Christian friend JonElla suddenly brought it up out of nowhere during a rare phone call tonight, I finally started to pay attention and actually opening my heart to God about it. JonElla NEVER offers advice, but tonight she was really talking seriously to me about this situation in my life.
Yesterday at one point during the sermon, my Pastor asked us to put our hands out, palms open and facing upward. He said, “when we hold the things of our lives in our hands like this, it gives God the freedom to put things in our life and take things out as He pleases.” And it pleases God to do always do what’s best for us so that He will ultimately get the glory for what He is able to accomplish in our lives. Today I realized that in regard to this situation in my life, I’ve been holding onto much like I held a kitten when I was a small child. I “loved” the poor baby kitten so much that I literally squeezed the life out of it. I took the limp, lifeless body of the kitten to my sister and asked her to “make it meow”. I don’t want to do that with the things in my life. It is crucial that I learn to hold my hands up to God, palms open and upward allowing Him full access to whatever He places in there…to leave it, take it away or add to it. The only thing standing in my way, is my insecurity and distrust.
In preparing for the new Bible study I’ve joined, I read Isaiah 7 today. Verse 9b really struck me, “If you do not stand for your faith, you will not stand at all.” So, I’m choosing to stand for my faith. I’m making the choice to try let go of this detrimental thing in my life. God may or may not decide to take it out of my hand, but if He decides to remove it, He won’t have to pry it from my fingers anymore. I think I’m ready.
I’m sure this is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to what it might really mean to stop “fighting” being a godly woman. But I’m preparing myself to allow Him to work in a mighty way. I’m scared, but also excited to see what He’s going to do when my life is really in His hands. I have a feeling things may get worse before they get better. But no matter what, I know in my heart of hearts that if I stand in my faith, I will stand and that He will be standing right there with me.
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